Transcript of Interview with Bob

TRANSLATOR:
We have determined that you weigh 160 pounds on Earth?
How much do you weigh on your homeland?

Bob:
Exactly the same.

TRANSLATOR:
When is your Earth birthday?
How old will you be on your next Earth birthday?

Bob:
My birthday is June 12, 1959. I will be 43 years old.

TRANSLATOR:
How old are you on your homeland?

Bob:
42

TRANSLATOR:
How long is a year on your homeland?

Bob:
365 days

TRANSLATOR:
How long is a day on your homeland?

Bob:
24 hours

TRANSLATOR:
How many natural satellites does your homeland have?

Bob:
Just one.

TRANSLATOR:
Any rings?

Bob:
No.

TRANSLATOR:
Describe some of the major surface features of your homeland.

Bob:
The usual stuff like mountains, rivers, and oceans.

TRANSLATOR:
Is your homeland an inner planet, outer planet, or not a planet?
If it is a planet, is it a terrestrial or gas planet?

Bob:
Do I look like an astronomer or something?

TRANSLATOR:
What is the distance from the Sun to your homeland?

Bob:About 150 million kilometers.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the size of your homeland?

Bob:
The diameter is about 8,000 miles.

TRANSLATOR:
Describe the atmosphere of your homeland.

Bob:
Mostly nitrogen and oxygen.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the surface temperature of your homeland?

Bob:
Sometimes it is cold and sometimes it is hot.

TRANSLATOR:
Have there been any space missions to your homeland?

Bob:
Yeah, man, a bunch of aliens took their vacations there this year.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the latest news on your homeland?

Bob:
Our president is from Texas and we are fighting a war on terrorism.

TRANSLATOR:
How did your homeland get its name?

Bob:
Huh?