Transcript of Interview with Niffel

TRANSLATOR:
We have determined that you weigh 70 pounds on Earth.
How much do you weigh on your homeland?

Niffel:
I think about 25 or 26 pounds.

TRANSLATOR:
When is your Earth birthday?
How old will you be on your next Earth birthday?

Niffel:
My birthday is January 9, 1980 and I will be 23 Earth years old on my next birthday.

TRANSLATOR:
How old are you on your homeland?

Niffel:
92 on my last birthday.

TRANSLATOR:
How long is a year on your homeland?

Niffel:
We have 4 years in the time it takes the Earth to have one.

TRANSLATOR:
How long is a day on your homeland?

Niffel:
Our day is about 59 Earth days long.

TRANSLATOR:
How many natural satellites does your homeland have?

Niffel:
It don't know what a satellite is.

TRANSLATOR:
Any rings?

Niffel:
Most of our bathtubs have rings.

TRANSLATOR:
Describe some of the major surface features of your homeland.

Niffel:
It is covered with holes.

TRANSLATOR:
Is your homeland an inner planet, outer planet, or not a planet?
If it is a planet, is it a terrestrial or gas planet?

Niffel:
My home is an inner, terrestiaal planet.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the distance from the Sun to your homeland?

Niffel:
Almost 58 million kilometers.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the size of your homeland?

Niffel:
About the same size as the Earth.

TRANSLATOR:
Describe the atmosphere of your homeland.

Niffel:
On a good day a little helium blows past.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the surface temperature of your homeland?

Niffel:
Sometimes you can fry an egg on the concrete here on Earth, but at home it is hot enough to melt lead!

TRANSLATOR:
Have there been any space missions to your homeland?

Niffel:
About 25 or 30 Earth years ago a spacecraft called the Mariner 10 flew by and took thousands of pictures.

TRANSLATOR:
What is the latest news on your homeland?

Niffel:
A couple of Earth years ago, scientists said we were in a conjunction. It seems we were on the opposite side of the Sun with a bunch of other planets.

TRANSLATOR:
How did your homeland get its name?

Niffel:
It was named after the messenger-god of Jupiter.